The Heretic’s Fork – Cutlery Gone Wrong

heretics fork

Sometimes we push the limits of the definition of “cutlery” here at The Cutlery Review. We don’t post about knives much because they are a world unto themselves. It’s like the world of wine but we don’t like red, you get it? So cutlery sometimes includes kitchen gadgets, sometimes it’s things that hold cutlery. It’s our blog and we blog about what we want and most of the time it’s cutlery, flatware, utensils, tableware, silverware or whatever it’s called at home. Whether it’s a fork, spoon, knife, spork or knork we’ll cover it.

But we acknowledge that this time we are pushing it a little. I mean, it is a fork. Just look at the picture above. It’s a nice shiny chrome fork. But how it’s used is rather medieval, actually it’s actually medieval. How it is used puts the “evil” in medieval. You looked ahead to the next picture didn’t you? Cheater.

heretics fork

So ya, that’s how it’s to be used.

Here’s the definition:

“A medieval torture device which consisted of a two-sided fork which would be strapped to the victims neck so that any movement of the jaw caused extreme pain.”

Nice huh? Not something we would want to wear. Oh, you do? OK, we don’t judge. What ever you do with your cutlery at home is your business.

Here’s a link to buy a nice fancy one (ADULTS ONLY):

Leather and Stainless Steel Heretics Fork from Amazon

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Sesame Street Cutlery

One of our readers (ok, it was actually my Sister-in-Law) sent us this link from the folks over at Reddit in the mildlyinteresting sub-reddit.

Everyone in the discussion seems to be losing their mind about the Sesame Street Cutlery shown above. The Spoon Big Bird, Fork Bert and Knife Ernie are a good looking set of flatware to say the least.

We’ve looked everywhere and are unable to source them for sale unless you want a second hand set from e-bay. I doubt they are dishwasher safe and to be completely honest they are probably made from old school pewter with lead or some other junk metal. Hopefully not. But it they do it would explain the antics over at Reddit.

The discussion about this cutlery we linked to above at Reddit went so far off the rails that this happened:

It seems if you start to talk about treasured childhood icons people really start to lose their minds.

So, what can I learn from this about cutlery you ask? Well, we did learn that children really get possessive about things like the flatware they eat with. To that point that they would refuse to eat anything at all without their magical Big Bird Spoon. So firstly make sure to buy three sets of said magic cutlery when they show this tendency. And second make sure to carry a set in your bag when you are out and about eating at a restaurant or as a guest.

And that’s…

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Valentine’s Cutlery – I Forking Love You

I Forking Love You

I keep thinking the Valentine’s Day was an invention to sell cards. I have strong memories of all the cards bought and scribbled on and then put into classmates boxes. Some were clever with moving parts or Star Wars characters. I even have a set of Pez Valentine’s cards in my collection. But they all ended up in the garbage. It was in this recollection of cards collected in my past that I realized that we should have special flatware for Valentine’s Day.

So here are some wonderful forks. I forking love these. You would give this cutlery to someone you give a fork about. Someone you spoon at night.

Theses forking forks are engraved using high-quality laser engraving machines. This forking fork is made of stainless steel. It is approximately 8” in length, 0.8” in width and 0.05” in thickness or girth. And this fork comes wrapped in a delicate gift bag. Cunning cutlery indeed.

THREE HUMAN I Forking Love You Inspirational Funny Engraved Fork from Amazon

But wait! There’s more! How about a slightly more risque fork for your forking friend?

I love forking you

Stainless Steel Engraved Fork, (I love forking you) from Amazon

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Babish has a Tiny Whisk

Babish has a Tiny Whisk and he’s proud of it. We’ve talked about Babish and his Tiny Whisk before here at The Cutlery Review. And now he’s talking about it again with NYT Cooking in the video “10 Things Binging With Babish Can’t Cook Without” which is shown above. He starts talking about his Tiny Whisk at the 3:25 mark if you want to jump ahead. He also shows off his famous “Tiny Whisk Tattoo”!

We noticed he has a full set of whisks, he doesn’t discriminate. After looking all over at all types of whisks we feel this is the best match to his set. These are the HONBAY Mini Wire Kitchen Whisks.

Tony whisk

HONBAY Mini Wire Kitchen Whisks-Each of 2PCS 5 Inches and 7 Inches from Amazon

But if you aren’t buying your whisks for Babish Cosplay (we know you are out there) and want something more kitchen worthy, we would suggest going with the DRAGONN Set of 3 Stainless Steel Whisks with Silicone handles as they are a little more serious.

DRAGONN Set of 3 Stainless Steel Silicone handles. Milk & Egg Beater Balloon Metal Blending, Beating and Stirring. Whisk from Amazon

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